Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize