OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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