The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
