I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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