I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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