thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How does one acquire holy water?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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