I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
