I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
