her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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