I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
