Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
