i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry about my life...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
