ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
