I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
