how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
