Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
