he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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