I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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