dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
