So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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