The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
