Your dad touched me again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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