Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
