i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
there is puke in my bra ... again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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