i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
