Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize