I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I supernannyed him into submission
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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