I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
