I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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