last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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