She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
