he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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