in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
