I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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