oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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