she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i out mim tonsoeep
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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