I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
