so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
