When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
