i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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