i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
