Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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