i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
50% drunk capacity currently
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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