Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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