There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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