do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
