No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
