Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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