I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
