Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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