DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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