I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
