Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
