This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
