Your face is a jimmy john
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
