I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
