I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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