How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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