and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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