8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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