My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
