Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
