maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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