We won't sleep together?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize