i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize